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Depraved Indifference

by State Of Confusion

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1.
The Day After Christmas 05:56
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Might die from the drugs but I wont feel the pain A needle tears a hole and it flows in my veins Living full tilt with no looking back Not living a lie with a monkey on my back In so many ways I wish I were more like you With nothing to lose and total freedom of will In so many ways I wish I were more like you Already in a grave and already killed I can’t forget what it all meant for me I can’t remember what it was like to free The time has blurred so many lines But the pains still here and its all mine In so many ways I wish I were more like you With nothing gain but a cheap thrill In so many ways I wish I were more like you Already in a grave and already killed This empty feeling is far from divine This lament is trapped now in time I wish I could find a way to let go I wish I could find a way to let you know In so many ways I wish I were more like you With nothing to lose and total freedom of will In so many ways I wish I were more like you Already in a grave and already killed
2.
Entry Point 04:44
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I’ve got to get something off of my chest There’s no denying your role in this mess You are the patron saint of double standards Spewing out filth and meaningless words You accuse me of corrupting your soul When I was just filling a hole I’ve got to get out and have some sanity I’ve got to get out and be free Free from your endless unhappiness And this constant unending stress You accuse me of corrupting your soul When I was just filling a hole I’ve got to get something off of my chest There’s no denying your role in this mess You are the patron saint of double standards Spewing out filth and meaningless words You accuse me of corrupting your soul When I was just filling a hole
3.
Chloroform 05:20
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Got another headache They never seem to fade Got another headache They never seem to fade I’ve dizziness, fatigue But I was forewarned I’m praying for unconsciousness But I was forewarned I’ve just encountered your true form I’m suffocating, I’m suffocating You’re chloroform
4.
Dehumanized 04:56
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I want to tear the words from your throat But I stagger through the pain with little hope How can I adjust to your constant disgust? Why don’t you give in a admit its unjust? It’s all about you, always about you I’ve been dehumanized Am I impossible to love or are you that cold? This song and dance has always been old How can I adjust to your constant disgust? Why don’t you give in a admit its unjust? It’s all about you, always about you I’ve been dehumanized
5.
Hard Mean On 04:03
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I’ve got a hard mean on
6.
Self-Medication 06:12
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I’ve got a few memories I want to repress I’ve got a few issues that I need to address I’ll kill a few brain cells and strengthen the herd One thing for certain satisfaction assured I’ve got to keep drinking so I can’t feel the pain I’ve got to keep drinking so I can live again Give me a drink - Quick – I don’t feel pain Give me a drink – Quick – I don’t’ feel anything Keep the drinks coming until I can’t even think I’ve got a certain fever and I know the cure Anything numbing as long as it’s pure Some liquid refreshment to ease all the pains A little bit of courage to face all these dreams I’ve got to keep drinking so I can’t feel the pain I’ve got to keep drinking so I can live again Give me a drink - Quick – I don’t feel pain Give me a drink – Quick – I don’t’ feel anything Keep the drinks coming until I can’t even think
7.
Exit Strategy 04:10
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Sit alone with a knife at my wrist I would’ve tried a bullet but I already missed I’m tired of trying to make your ends meet I’m tired of trying…at all I’m one bad day away, one bad day away From killing you, and killing me Sit alone with a knife at my wrist I would’ve tried a bullet but I already missed I’m tired of trying to make your ends meet I’m tired of trying…at all I’m one bad day away, one bad day away From killing you, and killing me
8.
Wishing Well 04:34
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You can wish, you can pray But your wasting you time No answers are coming Except maybe lies You just keep wishing for a better life You don’t lift a finger to make it right You just keep praying for your better life You’ll do anything to avoid this fight
9.
Heart of Lead 08:12
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10.
My Regret 07:15
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I wish I wasn’t such coward so I could speak my mind I wish I wasn’t hiding what I think and feel all the time I wish I could stand up, speak out, and be myself I wish I could stop thinking and hurting or be someone else My only regret
11.
Are You Satisfied (Empty Inside) 06:29
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I’m running on empty I’m running out of time I’m running out of patience And I’m not fine! You said you loved me but its nothing but lies My tank is dry, I’m empty inside. Self-esteem, sanity, and pride. You’ve taken everything, everything Are you satisfied?
12.
Domestic Dispute 05:04
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I really wish you would learn this lesson And do what takes to fix this depression Your son doesn’t hate you and neither do I I’m tired of listening to you do nothing but cry Crawl off the cross and say what you mean I’m not guessing all day what’s making you scream Get over yourself and say what you want Stop playing the martyr and make this nightmare stop I wish you’d listen to single word I’ve said I’m tired of being in and seeing nothing but red You’ve taken my soul and flushed it away My only prayer is for death every day Crawl off the cross and say what you mean I’m not guessing all day what’s making you scream Get over yourself and say what you want Stop playing the martyr and make this nightmare stop
13.
Servant/Savior 05:17
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Stop dropping your baggage on my steps Your acting like a person possessed I can take any more of this constant dependence I can cure you obsessions or things make sense I’m not your servant I’m not your savior I don’t care about your daily anxiety I’ve got enough of my own to deal with already I can take any more of this constant dependence I can cure you obsessions or things make sense I’m not your servant I’m not your savior I don’t want to hear about your issues of intimacy I don’t want to hear about your conspiracies I can take any more of this constant dependence I can cure you obsessions or things make sense I’m not your servant I’m not your savior

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released September 1, 2008

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State Of Confusion Boston, Massachusetts

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